me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
