Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
