So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
