You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
