She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
