There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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