loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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