Screwed.edu
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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