And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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