Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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