Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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