Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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