did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
