pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
