I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
