Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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