I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
