We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
