Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
