A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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