I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
