You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
