i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize