I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
