we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
