dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
