I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize