I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize