Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
