It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
