First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
