please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
