I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
