I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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