is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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