In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
