I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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