i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
