WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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