Your dad touched me again.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
