she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
