Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize