why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
