Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
