I can text with my tongue
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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