i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
