I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
