I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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