The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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