New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
My ATM looks so different sober.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
