Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
