Your mouth is God's brothel.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
