cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Randomize
