well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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