i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
