Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
