so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
