I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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