she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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