I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
