Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
