Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Can I color on your dick again?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
