I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
