OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
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