I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
