god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
So much rum. So many feels.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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