I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
