His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
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