It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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