do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
