is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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