She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
