you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
